Dear Mom,

There are a lot of things I wish I could tell you about right now.  I wish I could tell you about your grandson, and ask for advice on how to help get him through the end of this school year, and how to get him through high school.  I wish I could tell you about how your granddaughter is blossoming in college, and how her artwork is improving by leaps and bounds.

I do tell you about her artwork, and I tell you my son is doing fine in school.  Because your short term memory is about 2 minutes on a good day, and by the time I'm done telling you, you've already lost the thread of our conversation.

It's not your fault.  It's what's happening in your brain, and it breaks my heart.

I fully admit that I'm terrified that one day, I'll have Alzheimer's, too, and the thought that I will forget everything that makes me.... me... that I'd forget my children's names, and their faces... I can't bear it.

It's painful to see it in your eyes, that you know you're forgetting, and you're helpless to stop it.  It's painful to see the my mother fading away, and I can't stop it.

I saw you two weeks ago, and I knew when I looked in your eyes that you had no idea who I was.  You rallied and covered well, you knew that I was family, but you didn't recognize me.  I blinked back my tears and kept smiling and chatting with you, and when we had to leave, I told you that I loved you and would see you again.

You stared at me, trying so hard to know me, and you said, "I love you, too.  Like... a bush... and a bird pecking... or something...."

And I knew.   I knew you were remembering.  So I started singing, "... a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck!"

It clicked.  You knew who I was, and when I came to hug you again, you whispered my name and told me you'd never forget me, your baby, your little Jo.

And in that moment, I knew you wouldn't.

So I sang the rest of the song, what my daughter grew up knowing as "The Grandma Song," because you sang it all the time, and for a moment, you were my mom again, my mom who loves me, back with me again.

It was hard to say goodbye, but I did, knowing that the next time I see you, you probably won't know who I am.  I 'll sing "A Bushel And A Peck" to you again, and hopefully, it'll help you remember.  I'll sing to you even if you don't remember.

Because you're my mom.

Love,

Jo